Today we meet people who have fallen in love a few times, as well as those who did not like at all. What can you say about such people? Are these characteristics of a character or a person's personal desire? Is there any degree of willingness to love each of us? The fact is that a certain law of love says that we can all love and we are always in search of a partner.
In the public opinion is leading that love is a gift, luck, a lucky chance. After all, there are no schools or institutes of love, but everyone seems to be in love. This is not true. Love is an art, a skill that must be learned, which must be achieved. You can not talk about love as a thing or as something individual, because this feeling is a process. And how lucky the result of this process will be, depends on its participants. Not everyone can love, but everyone wants and tries to love. In this covert a lot more than we can imagine. Love is the ability to feel the other person, to make him happy, to be his part, to share his life with him. It's not as simple as it seems, even the very feeling of love can be misleading, feel "love" - it's kind of art already.
Erich Fromm wrote about love as art in his work "The Art of Love." Also on this topic there are many books and works. In addition to scientific works and treatises of psychologists, we can notice an interest in the love of different peoples of the ages and pay attention to the forms and ideals of their love. For example, compare the love of the "ancient Greek" type and love "Christian". These are different periods of time, completely different characteristics of love. The first is a love for a higher person who has status, a love for a beautiful man, who is prettier, smarter than you. This attraction of a person is lower in status to a person who is better than him, who deserves to be loved. This type of slavish love is the elements of masochism. Such love was sung in the legends and books of ancient Greece, but it still exists today, as a certain type, property, peculiar category. The type of Christian love is love for one's neighbor, love for someone who is even lower in status, more fragile, is a pity for the weak, sick. The second type of love - love is not for everyone, because for this you need to be a strong spirit and ready for such love. Today we are able to study these two types and ask ourselves: which of these categories will be "correct"? Is this the alignment of love, the details and symbolism of this process, and is not the lyness of its many variants that teach us art?
Love and its "pseudo-forms"
We often like to say that love and falling in love are different things. It's really so. Love can be like the beginning of love, its first stage, which then grows into true love, and the stage? which has no continuation. But aside from the arguments of love and love, it should be noted that not all attempts to love end in a success, and not always what we accept for love is it.
Various psychologists around the world, poets and musicians, and even every person at least once thought about what is true love, what properties, how to recognize it and what its symbolism is. The whole paradox is that today psychologists can say exactly what is not love, and we ourselves feel it. There are many pseudo-forms of love, its similarities, and we often can accurately say that this is not a true form of love, the person here is mistaken. But at the same time, we can not with perfect accuracy say: what is love, give it a definition. But we, but we know "how to do it is impossible" and this is already good.
We understand that in love there is no place for selfishness. Each of the selfish and even love can be viewed from the point of view of a certain egoism, as getting what you want, meeting your needs ... But even to learn to love you need to learn how to be an altruist. You need to share with another person, put his needs above their own, sometimes even go to the victim, support and understand a loved one, think about his happiness and needs. And this should give pleasure. In fact, it's not so easy to learn, it really does not come just like that: when you need to keep silent in the conflict, but want to speak out rudely or throw out negative emotions. It is necessary to find compromises, take into account someone else's point of view and desire in each issue. If in a couple everyone thinks only of themselves and satisfies only their needs, without thinking about the other, then it rather resembles an advantageous symbiosis, a contract than love.
In love there is no place for selfishness, rudeness, violence, suffering.
In love there must be a place of persistence and patience. The pairs that are then converging, then diverge, are hardly suitable for each other. This is a shortcut, than love. In love, every character of a loved one satisfies - even the shortcomings do not seem so terrible, so you can reconcile with them. And positive features are particularly appreciated, taken into account. In love, the second half are proud, respected, and feel each other a part of the whole.
Love in its true form can not be unrequited. True love is common, truthful, mutual. It does not give suffering, food, support, vitality. True love is a two-way love between two people. One-sided love is more a passion, an attraction, a love, a craze than a real feeling. This kind of "love" does not bring satisfaction or tranquility. But these are the strongest feelings that can only be. It is unrequited love often pushes us to heroic deeds, compels us to compose poems with ballads. But still she does not have such strength as real love. The second has much more power for us.
How to learn to love
And yet: can you learn how to love? Love seems complex, inexplicable, incomprehensible and rather complicated places. Can you learn to feel another person, understand it? Yes. It is only a desire, time, work and experience, the strength to overcome one's own selfishness and understand the nature of this feeling. We must always be on the alert, try for a loved one, learn his character and learn to understand not only their actions, but also of the other. Each of us has a very good chance to learn this.