Do not think that only small and needing support of both parents of children are seriously experiencing their divorce. After all, children are eternal egoists, whose interests are paramount. And the divorce of parents, even for grown up children, is not just an unpleasant surprise, but a real test. The first questions that come to mind even an adult child - "what have I done wrong?"
And only then do adults ask themselves: parents are divorced, how to treat this? So, let's find out what the child will have to endure, even for someone who has already left the age of hourly care and care.
Parents are divorced among themselves, and to decide how to treat this, both small and already grown up children are forced. It seems that a grown-up child will react more calmly to this fact, but this is by no means the rule.
Divorce of parents is hard and stressful at any age. In addition, divorce is a very emotional event. It happens not just so, and even before the divorce the child becomes an involuntary witness of a lot of quarrels. And, unfortunately, almost always parents can not just talk and agree among themselves.
In these cases, the individuality of their child, even an adult, his independence is at stake. Everyone in a married couple tries to attract the child to the answer. But attracting their children as a stabilizer in relations, parents destroy their children, posing an impossible task for them.
Adult child - adult listener
Unfortunately, it is the adulthood of a child that can cause a more severe experience of a divorce. He understands more, can draw conclusions and simultaneously receives unusual functions. He patiently responds to his mother's "Tell me that I'm right!" and on Daddy's "Yes, she's a megher!". He hears so many filth about the most important people for him, that it can be very difficult to "digest". So, the native child for parents in a state of "war" is:
- Waistcoat and comforter
- Attentive listener
- Interested party
- The reason and meaning of the existence of the pair
All this is a child. And if to small claims is not present - he still demands care, the adult becomes "an intermediate link", a comforter both for mum, and for the daddy. And now think about this: if the child has received all his life (caring, affection, consolation), and now he is forced to give up, not willingly, but even under threat of a family break-whether this will lead to a complication of the already difficult child-parent relations.
When it is clear even to adult children that parents are getting divorced, it is not easy to decide how to treat this fact. So in addition to the role of peacekeeper and caring heir (in this case, all the problems of the family), the child will have to become a parent for a while. In any case, while parents solve the problems of interpersonal relations. Take care of yourself, and not only in everyday matters, but also in terms of psychological - comfort, coziness, tenderness, affection ... But how long can a child withstand such pressure from within? Maybe one day it will explode?
Child and system
Unfortunately, the biggest harm from divorce is for adult children. How to relate to the fact of "betrayal" (as it is perceived when the parents are divorced) - this torments young children, while the same children suffer for another reason.
The increase is primarily due to the responsibility and at the same time the formation of one's own family. Instead, the son or daughter is still involved in the system of relations of the previous generation. He bears all the hardships of this relationship, despite the fact that it is time for him to create a family.
From this there is a feeling of fatigue from life, sometimes - emptiness. The world is empty if it does not have itself, its - beloved. A loved one, a place of work, small joys, habits.
Form as individuality can only be in this case.
And the family in which the adult lives, the whole aware child, is functioning incorrectly. Every day in it - as on a volcano.
And the more terrible the emptiness, if the parents are divorced with an adult child for a long time - how to treat life without the system that the child supported, is unclear.
Life at such moments seems too simple, fresh. After all, for so many years, she was fueled by a storm of emotions between her parents and attempts to restore their peace.
Advice
If you are a parent, and your relationship with the other half is no longer relevant, try to protect even grown children from the upcoming hardships and squabbles. A child should not become a cause of quarrels, nor an intermediary between two people who do not need each other. Otherwise, for many years your adult children will be forced to deal with themselves: parents are divorced, how to treat, what to do, what is required of me ...
If you are the "adult child", try to forget for a while that parents are caring people. It's not that they are not up to you right now, but rather vice versa. Remember that they act not out of good motives, but "on emotions." In this state, when their worlds collapse, they can be very careless. Do not let yourself be trapped and used to solve and questions. In the end, no one forced them to marry. And putting a stamp in the passport, they assumed certain obligations that it was time to stand on their own - just as adults should do it.