Emotional intelligence, techniques

I learned about the fact that there is such a thing as "emotional intelligence" quite recently. And since I always strive to learn something new and interesting for myself and share this with readers, then, intrigued, decided to go to the training "Emotional Intelligence. Sensation of the XXI century ยป.
Emotions and intelligence , indeed, concepts are almost polar. We have always been taught to clearly distinguish "mind and feelings," they existed as if apart from each other. We well know that feelings, emotions, experiences can be curbed, tamed, tamed, suppressed. But, it turns out, you can approach them "with the mind"!

What is this most emotional intelligence (we will call it later EI or IQ)? In fact, it is our ability to realize our emotions and emotions of another person, as well as the ability to manage them and on this basis build our interaction with people. Imagine that someone in the transport told me something rude - a familiar situation, is not it? And what do you do - be offended, rude in return, spoil the mood of others on the chain? From this situation, too, you can get out, if not with a good mood, then, at least, in an even state.

Ideas of emotional intelligence literally broke into the broad masses thanks to the book Goleman, which was called "Emotional Intelligence". Appearing in 1995, she turned the minds of millions of Americans and not only. To date, Goleman's book has sold over 5 million copies and has been translated into several languages!
What is so attractive about the thoughts presented in this book? First of all, his assumption that the presence of a high level of IQ in a person does not at all guarantee that he can reach career heights and become successful. For this, it is necessary to have some other qualities ... When the research was conducted, comparing how successful managers differ from the average managers, it turned out that the former possess such features as the ability to control their own emotions, and also to recognize and control the emotions of others. People who have high emotional intelligence are able to make more effective decisions, work more comprehensively and efficiently in critical situations, better understand and manage their subordinates.

Emotions are fraught with a huge potential , which can be used rationally for yourself and others. The most important thing is to realize them at the moment when they arise, to analyze their nature and the cause of their occurrence and then to decide how to manage them. And the management of emotions - this is a skill that you can earn and develop!
I figured out the "theory" of emotional intelligence. But it's easy to say "control emotions," but how does it apply in practice? This is exactly what the special exercises that I, together with other participants, practiced at the training, will help.
One of the most interesting, from my point of view, is called "Transmission of state through the tone of voice." Its essence was that all of us in turn "enter" into each of the four proposed states: "warrior", "friend", "sage" and "showman." For the exercise, the trainers suggested that our group break up into pairs. Each of the couple took turns "getting in" the right states, and the other listened attentively, and then gave an assessment - was the "executor" convincing. Then we changed places.

In each of the proposed "states", we needed to speak with the appropriate voice, use intonation, tone, and choose the right words. For a "friend" is a soft, trusting voice, an open and sociable tone. This state was given to me the easiest. But the tone of the "wise man" I did not immediately master. In this state it is necessary to speak slowly, measuredly, muffledly, as if teaching, revealing the truth, in a quiet, calm voice. I somehow decided that this tone is very close to me. Still, journalists tend to "teach," "discover truths," "trust secrets" ... But it's one thing to put it all out on paper, and the other is to voice your thoughts, and with the proper timbre of voice, using suitable intonations, to choose the right words ... But I did it!
The tone of the "warrior", which I thought was completely uncharacteristic of me, was successful the first time! This voice is broadcast by the military, chiefs, strict leaders. This tone - directive, strong-willed, command, they are given instructions.

And you need to speak so convincingly that your instructions are immediately followed. At me it at once has turned out - can be, army to me to command still rather early, but "to build" house I can precisely. And the main thing, as it seemed to me, it turns out at me is convincing enough.
With "showman" I was not so easy to cope with. This tone is expressive, loud, attracting attention. To speak it is necessary on high tones, thus, to cause to itself interest. The ideal of "showman" can be the manner of speaking of TV presenter Andrei Malakhov. And although the tone of "showman" I caught, and kept myself seemingly convincing, I can not say that I felt "at ease" ...

It should be noted that this exercise is not so simple, as it seemed at first glance. But thanks to him, I realized what qualities I need to develop. After all, using a voice (its volume, tone, tempo and timbre) you can create a certain state and "apply" in necessary situations. For example, you have a repair at home, and the builders were, frankly, not the most conscientious ... This is where the tone of the "warrior" comes in handy! Or, say, you have an important conversation with the child. For this purpose, the tone of the "wise man" will suit. And during business negotiations, you may have to use all four states!

But the most interesting thing awaited me! We all enjoy watching TV debates, political talk shows, where famous politicians exercise in verbal skirmishes. And what is it to be in their place and "as if sporting and playing" to answer the most acute, unpleasant, and sometimes insulting questions of journalists ... with a smile on his face? After the exercise "The Speech of a Candidate for the Presidency," I understood what it was like.

The essence of this exercise is that each of our group spoke to other participants in the image of a "presidential candidate" and answered the most tricky questions of journalists (in the image of which my colleagues appeared). In this case, the first phrase "candidate" for any question should be: "Yes, this is true." And besides it is necessary to remain calm, to radiate confidence and not to show off your embarrassment or shyness with a muscle or with a gesture.
Ugh! It was not easy: a couple of times I "lost", not knowing how to get out of a difficult situation. It was not easy to come up with answers to the most incredible questions. For example, one of the "journalists" asked me: "Is it true that when you become president, will you allow drivers to drive around the city at a speed of 200 km per hour?" I answered: "Yes, that's true" ... and further start in a hurry to come up with an answer. As a result, I got a little confused, but, getting used to the image of the "presidential candidate", answering the next question, I already learned how to maneuver and vary, and my answers became more clear.

I admit that the role of a "journalist" is more profitable than a "candidate". When I asked tricky questions to "candidates" who spoke before me, I felt like a mistress of the situation. And only after I acted as a "candidate" did I realize that as a journalist, I should have thought up a decent answer for myself before asking a question, well, how would I answer it when I was at the speaker's place. Then I would feel much more confident in the rostrum!

But now every day I "speak" in the role of "presidential candidate" - myself mentally I ask questions, and myself, and I answer them with dignity. This skill will not hurt anyone, but it can come in handy in any situation - from everyday to business.
And then, who knows, maybe this exercise is my first step in a future political career. In any case, I have already prepared for TV debates!
But seriously ... Understanding your feelings and feelings of others is the first step to always, even in acute moments, manage yourself and control the situation in which it turned out. As one wise man said: "People will forget what you said, people will also forget what you did, but they will never forget what feelings you have caused them."