Therefore, listen to the advice that psychologists give, and then the first meeting with a new relative will not cause your unfulfilled relationship with her.
First of all, remember: it is unlikely that the beloved's mother will seem to you a lady, pleasant in all respects. Do you want it or not, but any mother-in-law for many years nurtured the fate of her son in dreams, built certain plans. She also had thoughts about the upcoming adorable and clever grandchildren, but she probably did not think much of you about you. And even if you have the appearance of Nicole Kidman, Sofya Kovalevskaya's mind and the temperament of a tender sheep, she will inevitably look for flaws in you.
Do not call her mother, especially when you first get acquainted with her, give her the opportunity to introduce herself and address as she wants.
Be careful in conversation, in any case do not open your cards in views on such slippery issues as sex, politics and religion. And do not be categorical in defending your point of view in these matters. At the first meeting only one topic for conversation is acceptable: what kind of son is a wonderful person, how well he was brought up, and how lucky you are that you marry him.
Do not hold a meeting on your territory. Wait for the invitation to the house of the future mother-in-law. Otherwise, you will put yourself under attack, giving the opportunity to find flaws in the cleanliness and order in the apartment, as well as in your culinary abilities.
Do not skimp on compliments such as "How cozy you are" (even if in fact your notions of design do not exactly coincide). However, do not express excessive enthusiasm at the sight of the abundance of luxury goods, otherwise it will be perceived as a fairly transparent hint that, they say, you will not give up similar gifts and that you yourself never had such things. And then they will look down on you all your life.
With enthusiasm, eat everything that is put in a plate and poured into a cup. And never say phrases such as "This salad I get is much tastier." Even if it really is.
How to be, if the future mother-in-law ...
... was sacrificed for the sake of his son, who really "brought people to"?
Now she quite naturally expects that her daughter-in-law should be good both externally, and by character, and by education, and by career. If you do not have these qualities, you did not meet these expectations, you will have a very difficult time. Therefore, the best tactic is always to be extremely polite, to find some positive qualities and facts in yourself and, if necessary, to pay attention to them delicately.
... from among those women who in advance hate absolutely all friends of their son - those who were, are and will only ever be.
Prepare to listen to the story of the past romantic adventures of his chosen one, during which keep quiet. If you are asked for an opinion on someone from other family members whom you have already met, stop at a cautious phrase such as "He (a) a very nice person", but avoid lengthy comments. Note: this mother loves to divide and rule.
... a real commander.
Most likely, she will turn your first meeting into a service for the future husband, and all the phrases will be built solely in the form of an order: "In the evening he must wait for a hot freshly prepared dinner. ! " Here the best strategy is humility. Agree with the "general in a skirt", even if the tone of the conversation is jarring, and orders seem impossible. When she comes to visit you, try to serve a hot dinner on time, show maximum clarity and accuracy. Then it is possible that during subsequent meetings she will lay down her arms.
... likes to brag and set himself an example for you.
Whatever you do, she is sure that everything is much better for her, which she will not fail to inform about during your first meeting. However, no matter how ideal she did not consider herself, you are surely surpassing her in something. Find this plus and gently brag to them in return.
... immediately wants to become your best friend, will begin to offer his help around the house.
Be on your guard: once you are invited to look at your vacation for your dog, it can lead to an audit in your wardrobe and cupboard. As a result, after returning, you will spend a lot of time to find your favorite scarf or receipts for payment for the phone. So try to immediately abandon such cute care.
... she thinks she is giving you her son, and in your person she gets a psychic charity sister.
If your future mother in response to a polite "how are you" embarked on long journeys for all your ailments, then abstain from these questions.
...snob.
Even if you are from a royal family, she is absolutely sure that you are not worthy of her son in origin. Your blood is not the color of blue. She will certainly begin to wonder if you are familiar with such famous people as N. and Z. Support the honor of your brand and ask if it is familiar, in turn, with F., S. and X. (surnames are called arbitrarily, if only they were sonorous and made an impression - Pearls, Erdman, Krestovnikov, etc.). Even if it's just your neighbors on the landing, do not stew - she still will never know them.
... donjuan in a skirt.
A woman who, according to the number of marriages, can argue with Elizabeth Taylor, hardly has a holy faith in the institution of marriage. Therefore, when you first with your husband, a family lover, she will advise him to flee from you as soon as possible, instead of persuading him to settle everything peacefully.
But no matter how your relationship with your mother-in-law has developed, always remember that He chose you for everything that is called a family life. However, it will be quite good, if he himself always remembered this.
And further. No matter how bad your mother-in-law is, in your opinion, at least from time to time remember that it was she who gave birth and brought up a man whom you love and without whom you can not imagine your life. So, this has already earned, despite of everything, a good attitude toward oneself.
... Do you dream about your son with your chosen one? Congratulations, and you will someday become a mother-in-law!
Author: Elena Stepanova