The theme of our today's article is "Marriage, Family, Marriage". In it you will learn more about the four seasons of the year of marriage.
Marriage, family, marital relations ... This is a lot written by sociologists, but what do psychologists think about this? How does the relationship between spouses develop? At the present time the theory of four seasons is very popular.
Spring
The awakening of nature from winter sleep, the first brooks and leaves, the air is filled with freshness and anticipation of a miracle ... Is not it also the family life in its beginning: virgin pure and full of expectations? Two people who have only the most romantic ideas about each other, face reality. Spouses are beginning to understand that the image of the ideal partner, so lovingly and in detail traced by them before the wedding, has nothing to do with reality. Further, the situation can develop according to several scenarios, the most optimal of which is the finding of a compromise, when both partners try to compensate their dissatisfaction with newly discovered traits of character with a positive attitude. The shortcomings are not emphasized, the dignity is extolled, the family continues its peaceful existence.
Much worse, if the ideal image is closer and more native than the real one. In such cases, the process of re-education begins. In relation to the unfortunate spouse, an undeclared war is being waged: the shortcomings are eliminated, habits and way of life are changing. But it must be remembered that re-education can be broken.
There is still something in between, when the husband can not accept the image and can not change it. In this case, divorce is inevitable.
In what scenario should the relationship be developed? Of course, taking into account the compromise. In case of any misunderstandings, in no case should you not be silent about grievances, as, as you know, an unnamed one does not exist. Avoiding discussion is ignoring the conflict, confrontation is an attempt to suppress it, and only dialogue will prompt strategies to find a way out of the situation and choose the most optimal one.
Divorce is most likely in a family created from mercantile considerations or because of pregnancy. Pleasant exceptions are, but they rather confirm the rules.
Summer
Spring streams fled, summer came. The gifts of nature are poured into ripeness, the harvest is cultivated, the person works tirelessly for the benefit of the family.
Spouses who have lived in a marriage for about ten years and have reached middle age, face certain difficulties. The question of professional self-actualization is acute. At the time when her husband was engaged in career growth, his wife gave birth and raised children. And then came the day when the family does not need her constant presence at home and a woman can go to work.
On the one hand, a woman experiences a high level of pretensions towards the family, she is afraid not to comply with the definitions of "good mother" and "good wife" and compares herself with the mechanism that performs housework. On the other hand, she needs to recognize herself as a specialist, she wants to go out into people, look better, communicate with colleagues. In this situation, due to lack of rest, time and many other difficulties, a role conflict arises. A woman gets tired without being able to fulfill herself professionally and personally. Against the background of the depression that has arisen, there are thoughts of divorce. How to overcome difficulties and save the family?
First of all, we must admit that the problem exists, and only then move on to its solution. Do not set yourself unattainable goals. To be an ideal hostess, mother and at the same time to reach professional heights is impossible - something will certainly have to be sacrificed. You need to learn to separate the main from the secondary and do not get hung up on everyday trivia. Great ability to take a look at the situation from the side, preferably with humor, will bring great benefits. A compliment made in time or an appropriate joke creates an atmosphere of love and mutual understanding.
For those women who are in a difficult situation of choice between home and work, psychologists advise adhering to the following recommendations:
- plan household and official affairs;
- Do not take work at home;
- determine the priority of the cases;
- will learn to deny everyone who distracts from the family.
Following these simple recommendations will save the family and will not interfere with career growth. It is difficult to reconcile a career with a family, but it is possible, since a successful person is successful in everything.
Remember, everyone did in the childhood "secrets" from a glass and various flowers. Ordinary objects, individually, are not anything special, but when everything is connected, magic is obtained. So it happens in family life, because marriage is creativity.
Autumn
It is to this time of year in the family relations, like autumn, the proverb "gray hair in a beard - a demon in the rib". Children have grown up, they do not take care of their parents anymore. With what luggage has the married couple come to this moment of truth? Does anything connect them, except thoughts about the younger generation?
The crisis of middle age is associated with a reassessment of life values and is most often associated with men. After reaching middle age, they look back and with horror find out that half the life has passed, and nothing significant has been done. It is after such thoughts there is a desire to create a new family as a symbol of a new life.
Both physical ailments and psychological ones are easier to prevent than cure. Psychologists advise at this age to be interested in the professional activities of the spouse, his deeds and achievements. Even if the partner has not distinguished himself by anything special - do not tell him about it now, cultivating the image of a loser. Focus on achievements and do not pay attention to misses. And most importantly: never remind the age of the phrase "years are not the same." Find any reasons for failures and ailments: the stars are not so formed, the ecology has changed, the work has become hard - anything, just not a mention of age.
If the crisis has not been avoided, be patient and wise. Support the spouse, talk with him, do not be jealous without a reason and, of course, take great care of your appearance.
What does not break us makes you stronger. If you managed to survive this period, the reward will be emotional warmth, worldly wisdom and strong relationships that have gone through many years.
In the power of a woman, a middle-aged crisis is prevented. To do this, you need to give your husband the opportunity to relax, take care of his health, increase the self-esteem of the spouse by enumeration and a slight exaggeration of merits. The most important thing that a woman needs to overcome a mid-life crisis is patience. You ask, and who will help her? Love, Family and Wisdom.
Winter
As unexpectedly the first snow falls, so in the relations between people suddenly comes winter.
What will be this time of the year for the couple who have gone hand in hand a long way. I have lived together for many years, and my memory helpsfully recalls the most important moments.
A person year after year is imperceptibly selected for his old age. It would be wrong to compare the happiness inherent in the young, with the happiness experienced by people of advanced age. If for young people this feeling is selfish, then the elderly people are happy for the children and every day spent together. Divorces at this age are extremely rare. Love for a spouse acquires a new unexpected quality: tenderness, affection, fear of each other. Husband and wife may even quarrel, but this innocuous grumbling is just self-irony, which helps to meet old age adequately.
What can be more beautiful than a married couple surrounded by children and grandchildren? Carrying love through the years, they are as young as at the beginning of their acquaintance, and time does not have power over true feelings!
Psychologists recommend that those who have reached the "silver age" adhere to the following principles:
- Everything should be treated creatively and with imagination;
- communicate more with young people;
- solve intellectual problems;
- Love is at the center of everything.