And, indeed, it is very difficult for a child to understand and accept that all of a sudden parents will love someone else, except him. Maybe he did not like them? Maybe he behaved badly? And what if they give it to strangers or to a terrible "children's home", where, as he heard, they refer unnecessary children? What if he is now unnecessary? Such questions revolve in the head of a child who was not prepared for the appearance of a brother or sister.
But if the stress associated with the replenishment can not be avoided, then it can be reduced several times.
Preparing the soil.
Talk about the possibility of the appearance of a second or subsequent children is best to start before pregnancy. In any case, do not postpone them until the moment when you have to explain, where does my mother have such a big belly.
Tell your child about your plans, about how your life will change, that he will become a senior and will be responsible. It is important not to exaggerate the colors and not to deceive the child. Do not promise that the baby will play with him and become a best friend. Perhaps it will, but not immediately. Tell us about how it will grow in the tummy of my mother, how it will be born, and how it will look.
During pregnancy, invite the child to listen to how his future brother or sister kicks in the belly. Offer him help in choosing a name, toys, clothes for a baby.
Do not forget to say that you love him and will never cease to love, even if you had many more children. It is important that the child knows this as firmly as his name.
If the child is sharply against the appearance of an opponent, do not insist that he in one second change his opinion about it. With patience and love, start talking about the baby, about how he will grow and love the elder, what advantages you see in having a family with several children. Over time, the child will reconcile with the fact that he is almost no one and will cease to react so sharply.
For some time before you go to the hospital, talk with your child about your separation. Say that you will come back with a new child, that you can be visited, but at home he will remain for the main and will have to help the elders.
Try to interest the child with that new role of the elder, which he is facing.
When you return home with the baby, do not drive away the older child. He is curious and jealous, so his feelings should be satisfied. Warn him about how to behave with the baby, what you can do and what not, how to talk. Then necessarily show him the baby, let this first acquaintance happen as soon as possible. The senior child should make sure that the baby is really helpless and needs custody, as you said.
If the child is large enough, you can give him the baby in his arms, but it is important to take precautions.
Forgive the older child to help in caring for the younger, but do not overwork. It should be a game, voluntary help, not an obligation. Therefore, ask for help in fairly easy and interesting cases. Let the older child submit a diaper or diaper, help you choose a loaf or socks, go with you for a walk or show your child some toy. But he should not wash the diaper, cook the mixture or bathe the baby, even if it seems to you that age already allows you to do it.
Tell the older child how smart and strong he is compared to the baby. Offer to teach the baby to hold a rattle, listen to songs or fairy tales. Let the older child tell him about the world in which the baby got into, because he himself does not know anything yet.
It may well be that the older child will go into childhood with the appearance of the younger. School performance may decline, long forgotten vagaries may appear. The children of preschool age suddenly lose their personal hygiene skills, the speech becomes as if you returned a year or two ago. This is temporary and this is normal. Of course, you should not indulge in such behavior, but you should not scold him. Just try to make sure that your attention is enough for everyone. In such moments it is good to attract dad, grandfathers and grandmothers who would distract the older child and maybe spoil him with unplanned gifts.
When children grow up and start to communicate, there will be conflicts. This can not be avoided, and you must be ready for this. Try not to punish the elder just because he is senior and does not shield the younger just because he is small. Share and blame and encourage in half, like toys, candy, your attention and love. Try to find a gentle word for everyone, even if someone does not deserve it. Do not encourage competition and try to settle quarrels. At the same time, it is better not to interfere with children from a certain age, they must learn to find out the relationship themselves.
In a family where everyone is moved by love, where children are confident of parental feelings, jealousy is much less common and passes quickly. This is the main guarantee of peace and tranquility.