There is such an opinion that all women and women dream of marrying, and they come up with all sorts of ways to lead a fancy guy. Probably, and really, they want, once in the women's magazines you can find articles on the variation "How to get married?". You can imagine that the male edition published an article entitled "How to convince a girl to marry you?". Here I can not. Maximum something like "How nice to make a proposal?". And then something like "How to achieve everything that you want, without marriage".
However, recently, when an acquaintance asked me: "And what are you, modern girls, do not hurry to marry?" - I thought. And in fact and the truth, among my friends the weight of girls from 20 to 30 which absolutely do not hasten to marry. Or maybe it just does not work out yet? So is it really all women dream of marriage, or is it just a common myth?
After asking my friends girls, I did not hear a single categorical "yes", and not one definitive "no". Basically the answers were the following: "Looking for whom", "When I want to have a baby", "When they call, then I'll think whether I want to or not."
Marriage, as a rule, is not an end in itself. This is more a way to achieve different goals. Except, except that a couple of answers "I want a wedding , because it's beautiful" or "yes, it's time already." Although in these cases it is arguable that this marriage is for the sake of marriage.
Why do women get married?
So what are the goals pursued by the girls when they marry?
First of all, no one wants to raise a child in solitude, and sooner or later a child wants almost everything. This is an elementary fear for the future and a desire to be confident in the future.
For some modern girls, a child is generally the only reason to get married, and without children they do not need a marriage. In the case of the continuation of the genus, there are two options. You can marry because you think that you are ready to have children and have a family, and you can get married because you became pregnant. Of course, not a single girl said that she would like to get married because she became pregnant, but do not forget such a reason.
The second reason - the view that marriage allows you to tie a man stronger. Of course, he does not keep chains, but to part with his wife is much more difficult than simply with a girl.
"Married? Looking for someone, if for A., I can so precisely hold him, it will be problematic with me to divorce, as it will be very much to share. And I want to keep it, because I have a feeling of habit and love in some way, and since the marriage is completing the relationship and since, I'm Capricorn, I'm used to achieving all the goals, I will not rest until I get a stamp in my passport, "says one of my friends.
Of course, not every man is able to hold together the years spent together and his property (recall the acclaimed divorce of Abramovich), But this factor is very, very strong. It's not for nothing that there has been a proverb recently: "Nothing strengthens marriage as a joint mortgage."
"I want to have official rights on him!" - says Julia, 23 years old. "Tired of combining the duties of the wife and the rights of the mistress", - declares Olya, 25 years old. Yes, the rights of his wife is really much more than a mistress. And in a civil marriage in response to claims about midnight strollers you can hear: "What are you controlling me, are you my wife or something?"
Quite often there is also a desire to claim money from her husband. Whatever you say, and to marry a rich man is one of the goals of a large number of girls. Someone thus invests in his future, developing through his husband's money his career, and someone just wants to hang around his neck and live at someone else's expense.
To solve through marriage material and housing problems - the practice is not new and common. Someone just wants a rich man, someone wants, for example, to emigrate to America. And it is peculiar not only to women, but also to men. However, it probably should not be talking about the desire to get married, but about other purposes.
But here's what really makes you think. No girl said that she was looking for love in marriage. I will not evaluate whether it's good or bad. The fact that marriage is not associated with love, on the one hand, is normal, because in order to love and be loved, it is not necessary to marry. On the other hand, something in our society is definitely changing. After all, if we ask our mothers and grandmothers why they married, many of them will answer: "For love."
It's time!
And yet, whatever goals the woman herself poses, public opinion always forces her to hurry. Even twenty-year-old girls are sometimes asked: "Well, do you marry when you're going to?" What can I say about thirty-year-olds!
Given that the right to lead an active social life and earn money, women received relatively recently, it is not surprising that the habit of providing for their lives and social status at the expense of men has not yet completely vanished. After a woman for many years did not recognize the choice of her own will to remain unmarried, it is difficult to immediately change everything.
If young girls say that they do not want to marry, they tend to clarify that they "do not yet want". "I, for example, do not want to get married at a given time, because: no one for whom and if there was someone for whom public opinion inclines the newlyweds to the intensified production of children, but I do not want to have children on my feet. .. And yet, it's awfully hard to cook someone and wash socks, "says Katya, 21.
Traditionally, the proposal to marry comes from a man. And in all the married couples I knew, the offer was voiced by a man. A man, sort of like, should mature for this decision, while a woman is always ready to get married . And her goal is to push this man.
In addition to the pressure of public opinion, there are direct examples of others. When all the friends have already celebrated the wedding, the girl starts to think that maybe she is worse than others.
Lonely or free?
An unmarried woman is usually called lonely, while an unmarried man is free.
You can argue as much as you like about the fact that this is a common stereotype, like the mutual hatred of mother-in-law and son-in-law, but, as they say, every joke has a joke.
Many women are really afraid not to get married. They are afraid of loneliness, public censure, pity. This fear is one of the important factors that push a woman to marriage.
But marriage is not a guarantee that you will be happy. They say that when a woman feels lonely, she marries. And when a woman feels lonely in a marriage, she gets a lover. This suggests that you need to struggle with loneliness in other ways.
Why, then, do most modern women get married quite late?
Despite many reasons why women want to marry, modern girls all remain longer and longer unmarried.
The reasons that women point out are mostly material in nature. The most common are job losses and housing problems. Buying your own apartment seems like something far away and unreal for a young girl. I want to settle down first, earn money. "The problem is not only that I can not make money when I'm face to face. Almost no one now works more than a year and a half in one place, and I'm not sure that my husband and his work will be all right too. Moreover, modern men, in my opinion, remain children up to thirty. Beer with friends and computer toys - the main thing that most of my friends like most guys want, "Olesya, 27, says.
So do women want to get married? Of course, everyone is different and everyone wants to achieve different things in life. But my conclusion is the same: most women really want to get married. But they want not a stamp in their passport, but a family.