You do not earn a lot, but when you are on a visit, you buy an expensive gift (do not you think that you are poor)? Does your mother remind you every day that you all owe her? Your husband, so active at home, can not say a word at work? All the fault complexes. They are many, but the most "harmful" - women's complexes when dealing with men. They are really poisoning our lives. However, as the famous psychologist K. Jung said, "it is important not that you have complexes, but what you will do with them" ...
The only thing that often prevents us from living is ourselves. Problems experienced in the past, unprocessed childhood fears somehow "auknutsya" in adulthood. Without realizing it, we begin to cultivate our complexes, live to please them and stop doing what we really want. "So it will be right," "What will others think?", "It's not fair to people", "I have to sacrifice myself for the sake of children, even if they feel good", "Now I'll wait a little, and then HE will come and save me "... How many times have we spoken these phrases in our lives? Well, it's time to stop and realize that we do not live our own lives.
NOT WORSE THAN OTHERS
If you constantly relate your behavior to what other men might think about you, are afraid to speak in public, and generally try to limit the range of your communication, hiding your embarrassment for arrogance - most likely you suffer from an inferiority complex. Most often, it's all about wrong upbringing. Since our earliest childhood we have become accustomed to humiliating comparisons. "Look how well Katya is studying, not what you are!", "Take Olesya's example - she's such an obedient girl" ... - which of us did not moms say these phrases ?! After such installations, any own oversight will be perceived as a tragedy! And so, growing up, we begin to prove to ourselves our own status: we buy expensive cars and clothes, we are looking for exclusively "worthy" men (whom friends and mom will appreciate), drink or smoke solely to sound older and "cool." ..
What to do about it? To begin to analyze. Try to realize how much everything you do for men and their positive opinions about you. And what would happen if you acted differently? In fact, nothing! So calm down and try to accept yourself as you are. After all, you are nothing bad and not good for others. You are just different.
WITHOUT A WINE INCREASE
"I can not be completely happy in my marriage, because I always think that I left my mother alone", "How can I go on vacation now, when my colleagues have so much work?", "Do I have the right leave the children with their mother-in-law and leave to rest only with her husband? They will offend me! "Familiar phrases and situations, is not it? The guilt complex is closely related to the sense of responsibility so carefully inculcated to us in childhood. Sometimes we can feel guilty not only for the actions performed, but also for thoughts or desires. A subconscious attempt to avoid this sometimes leads to neuroses. So, obsessive cleanliness and suspiciousness indicate a suppressed sense of guilt. If you continually check whether gas is off, you often wash your hands, most likely you are experiencing psychological stress and you need to turn to a specialist.
What to do about it? Strange as it may seem, become selfish. You need it for therapeutic purposes! Stop thinking about the feelings of others and pay attention to yourself. Yes, maybe your husband is bored, but that does not mean that you are to blame for this! Ask yourself the question: "What can I do?" Perhaps you will understand that you are responsible only for yourself and your life. And that you just have to be happy yourself ...
DONATED ALL!
The victim complex is associated with the idea of service. It is with the desire to become virtuous and to receive recognition that everything usually begins, and ends with total dependence on the surrounding men. After all, doing whatsoever, you weigh your actions all the time ("Oh, how much strength, time and health I spent on a lover, husband, friend!") And control the opinion of others ("And he does not appreciate it - ungrateful! "), Then you unconsciously assumed the role of a victim. Of course, it's easier to justify your own failures ("I did not marry a second time, because I had to raise children", "I did not return to work because I had to take care of my husband", "I stopped thinking about my appearance, that I had too many cares around the house "). But is it worth it? Virtually all the illusions of the "victim" are crumbling. People with such a complex tend to wait for life for compensation for their behavior and they are never satisfied with it. The further way is the strongest depression and even greater demonstrativeness: "If it were not for me, you would not have found where the plate is!" You can indulge yourself with illusions about your own indispensability, but sooner or later you will have to understand that men simply avoid you, because you do not want to live with a constant sense of guilt in front of you.
What to do about it? Most likely, as a child, you were told that nothing is given for nothing. "You have to pay for everything", "You have to deserve it" - these are typical settings for the future "victim". In your power to change your life. Stop this accumulation of points and the eternal expectation of some kind of reward. Try at least a week to live just for yourself - put such an experiment. During this time no one will die of hunger, your firm will not go broke, but you will enjoy it. And maybe in time you will get used to the fact that everyone loves you and without your victims.
"I KNOW BETTER..."
This is another extreme - the so-called patron complex. You look at people from the top down and just be sure that you are always right about everything. You like to give advice to men everywhere and always. Here there are big problems: you depend on people. In fact, the patron's complex is dangerous not even by the fact that your close ones turn away from you (who is pleasant to the constant, condescending condescending tone?), But because you can not exist without those who will listen to you. To subjugate the lives of other people and gain complete control is the main task of the patron.
What to do about it? Most likely, you were brought up in an authoritarian family and simply adopted the manner of communication with your parents. Well, it's time to finish with moralizing and try to change the record. Learning to be friends is your main task. Try not to give, but to ask for advice. Appreciate the surrounding men and trust them. They are not stupider than you. Try to accept the fact that we are all different, there is nothing more beautiful and more amazing than life, and everyone has the right to make a mistake ...
"I KNOW, HE IS IN THE LIGHT ..."
The Cinderella complex is directly connected with the expectation of the future. You perceive everything that is happening now as a test, some kind of a transition period before you meet HIS, your Prince. These expectations are surely doomed to failure. The problem is that women with a similar complex do not appreciate the gift of life itself. They find it difficult to understand that there are no princes (except for very worthy men whom they can not notice), and we can create fairy tales for ourselves. You can miss your present in anticipation of your savior and a new, completely different life. Such women, when they are married, are rarely happy: the hopes are placed on her husband too much.
What to do about it? To look at the world soberly, taking off the rose-colored glasses. Try to ask yourself the following questions: "And what exactly bothers me the most? What could have changed the man who appeared in my life? And can I change something myself? Is it all so terrible in my life? "Such inner dialogues will help to come to the conclusion that you yourself can save yourself from routine. Why postpone tomorrow what can be done today? Why wait for someone to come and save you when you have the power to change your life for the better. And again: look around. How many princes do you see? And normal men (albeit with their own shortcomings)? That's the same. Do not deprive yourself of personal happiness, cherishing the illusory dream of an ideal person.
INSTEAD OF CONCLUSION
Of course, these are not all complexes that prevent us from living. Someone is afraid of men, and therefore prefers to cultivate their image of a self-sufficient lady, someone can position themselves in the company exclusively as "buffoons", someone ... The list of problems can be continued indefinitely. The main thing is that none of us are free from complexes in one form or another. Sometimes they are harmful, sometimes dangerous and in any case useless. What can I do to help myself? We will come closer to ourselves, the less we will feel resentment towards the outside world. The most important step - the acceptance of their complexes as a long-familiar part of their own "I". And finally, the transformation stage. Say the magic phrase "Know your place!" Then the complexes will turn into useful traits: a complex of superiority - into self-respect, an inferiority complex - into self-criticism, a guilt complex - into sensitivity and compassion. And solely on the degree of your readiness for change depends the key to your success.
INSTALLATIONS FOR LIFE WITHOUT COMPLEXES.
✓ I love myself for being what I am!
✓ I do not need to "earn" happiness and love. I deserve them for nothing!
✓ I respect the opinions and actions of other people. They are no better or worse than me. And they also have the right to make mistakes.
✓ First of all, I am responsible for myself. I'm not to blame for the misfortune of others.
✓ I'm learning to build partnerships based on trust!
✓ I live by the present and do not expect that someone will come and save me. The quality of my life depends only on me!