How to comfort a girlfriend

The weather is good on the street, and it's sunny in your soul. And the girlfriend - depression. Of course, you can drag her along, constantly comforting. But all this is useless. But you really can help her. Pity Just in her life something terrible happened. What exactly is still a mystery. But one way or another, she's already bursting with tears in your kitchen for half an hour and uttering some vague texts. Now she is in a state where she is incapable of speaking, thinking, acting. Therefore it is useless to ask her to tell everything in order and appeal to common sense. She is immersed in her grief with her head. So do not try to distract her and cheer her up. The next fifteen minutes she needs pity, only pity and nothing but pity. What are you going to tell her, it does not matter. Your task is to join the experience of grief. Since we are all social creatures, the feeling that our grief is divided by someone, makes suffering a lot easier. After a while, the acuteness of her experiences will diminish and the capacity for elementary conclusions will be restored. It's time to move from whining to talking. Conversations Even if you listen to it and remain silent, counting, if you have enough salary for a new handbag, you can bring some benefits to your girlfriend. Especially if you ever say the key word "ugu". Because when a person thinks out loud, he studies the problem better than picking up thoughts in his head. But you will bring much more profit if you listen to it correctly. That is, not only to comfort her, but also to help structure the problem for herself, to understand where the reasons are, where the consequences are, where the main thing is, where the secondary is. She herself can not do it, because none of the people can remain objective, understanding in what makes him strongly stick. Besides, you should stop her from getting hung up. Because it will inevitably become obsessed with the most painful details. Finally, you have to help her begin to reason, draw conclusions and make plans. That is, as soon as she comes out to the second round of the presentation of her drama, you have to sit down on it with questions like: "And now what?" So you help her stop chewing the past and turning to the present and the future.

Solutions

To the question: "What should I do?" - she must answer herself. How can you help her at this stage? Make sure that she makes a decision based on all the information available to her. The fact is that she can ignore some facts. Very often people simply do not pay attention to what they do not want to know. And your girlfriend may not take into account that her boyfriend is a rare womanizer, and start a campaign "Marry me." You will do her an invaluable service if you help to realize what she hides from herself. It's clear, do not act on the forehead. She either does not believe, or is offended. Bring her to the right thought with suggestive questions. As Socrates. Life Even if your heart is broken into small pieces and the roof is kept on one nail, life goes on. And it has many other things to do, except for solving the monstrously important problem of returning to its bed the prodigal cake ( finding a class work , getting to school models). You understand this very well, because this problem is not yours, but your friends. And for her in the center of the universe is now exactly this very problem, and she is ready to score on everything that has no relation to this sphere. As a real friend, you must protect her from this. Sessions do not fall due to the fact that in a state of unhappy love the IQ falls sharply, but because girls in love simply can not care less about the session, when this is happening in the shower and in all other places. Coping with the total distortion of the hierarchy of values ​​is not easy. So do not even try to read to her the notation that you do not have to forget about studying. Just take on the organization of its educational process.

What to do?

Do not Start

If she starts a regular conversation about her troubles in a public place, expect trouble. The words will be followed by tears, mascara, God forbid, will turn out to be not waterproof, the nose will swell ... In general, one affliction is for her and for you. So sometimes it makes sense to stop her trying to start her sad song.

Say compliments

When a person sucks, he fixates on his problem and forgets everything else. Therefore it is really very hard for him to find a reason to enjoy life. In this situation, a normal compliment has a very high value. Telling something good about her, you really tell her the news. Choosing a topic for a joyful message, turn to the area in which she has a problem. If, for example, she was thrown by a guy, a consolation like: "Yes, you passed the session on an" excellent "passed" - will not go. She wanted to spit for this session. The best consolation for a friend will be if you say that she is very much going to a new blouse.

Ironically

Over any problem you can sneer. Tactfully. Try to joke. If you get ridiculous, in half a minute you'll laugh together. If you joke unsuccessfully, for the next twenty minutes you will become for her a source of aggressive emotions . Also a good result, because aggression is a healthier state than depression.

Be an optimist

Just convince her that "everything will be fine." Even if you doubt it, persuade. Sometimes you do not need to know the truth, but you just need to rest from desperate anguish.