Finally it happened: you met the man of your dreams! He is just like the one who came to you in dreams and about which you thought all the days long. You feel so good together, that sometimes it even becomes scary: what if this happiness ever ends? But over time, you begin to notice that people close to you, whether friends or relatives, are disapproving of your choice. They say hard: "He is not a couple to you" - and that's it! And this despite the fact that he likes you very much. And involuntarily the thought creeps in: "Is my man suitable for a serious relationship?"
How do you think a woman feels when she is in love with her boyfriend, when she hears from her mom every day: "What did you find in him!" Or from a friend: "It does not suit you at all!" ? Agree that, most likely, she is upset and sad. Because she just found her chosen one ideal for a serious relationship, and, in her opinion, she is very much even a couple.
True, at first, a happy woman, inspired and inspired, may not attach great importance to these words. On the contrary, she so wants to share a romantic mood with close people - after all, for any person is so naturally the desire to splash out positive emotions, tell them about the whole world. Like, there he is - my man! And what happens as a result? It turns out to be a nightmare.
For example, she comes along with her boyfriend to a party, shining with joy and pride, that she has such a wonderful man, having fun and just as happy returns home. In the morning she calls, a friend and with the coolness of an experienced pathologist begins to dissect her companion. He talked too much in a boring voice at the table about the dangers of pesticides and looked like a complete idiot, refusing for this reason from a salad of fresh vegetables. That completely inopportunely interfered in the dispute between the hostess and her husband, although he had not the faintest idea of the subject of the discussion and ridiculously pouted when he was hinted about it. And so on and so forth...
Willy-nilly, a poor woman begins to remember what icy glances and sarcastic remarks were thrown by her old friends in the direction of the newly-born chevalier, and she becomes uneasy. She begins to understand that she was caught between two fires, and this feeling, you will agree, will not add to her self-confidence. Of course, you can skip past the ears of a series of serious criticisms of a loved one, but not everyone can. In addition, we all usually appreciate the opinion of our friends and try to listen to him whenever possible.
By the way, attempts to repeat the publication in the light in the hope of changing the opinion of friends do not lead to anything good. They tirelessly find new defects in your acquaintance, which becomes all the more, the more often you bring him into your former company. A similar development of events is often encountered and where, instead of the girlfriends, the role of criticism is played by the mother. Once you start blaming your lover for all mortal sins, she does not seem to stop. So who are you to listen to: people close to you, who, of course, wish you well, or the voice of your own heart? There is no unequivocal answer to this question, psychologists say. And although you will have to make a difficult choice, and only you, do not neglect the advice of specialists. After all, they helped many people navigate in such a difficult life situation.
MOMMA BETTER KNOWS?
Most mothers, as you know, wish their daughters a happy family life. And it depends in many ways - and this is difficult to argue - on how well the daughter will make the choice of her betrothed. But only the word "successful" mothers and their children are often treated differently. Parents want their beloved child to get a husband by all means: a) decent; b) serious; c) a secured person. That's what they order a complex dinner - and that no dish is less. Experience shows that with the absence of even one of the three requirements, mothers do not agree to be reconciled.
Therefore, when you fall in love with a man who "does not fit" to my mother's idea of the ideal, she begins to "drip on your brains," and from the best motives. And she does it at times so skillfully that the memorable many Mr. Kashpirovsky with his gift of suggestion simply pales before her mastery of the hypnotist.
But at the same time, a loving mother, unfortunately, does not know that you attract very different qualities in your chosen one. For example, you see that with his persistence in achieving the goal, he will soon get a high position, although this can not boast of it. Or you really like his tender care for you, his economic wit, his thirst for serious relationships, inexhaustible optimism and a subtle sense of humor. Yes, there are few qualities that lead us into ecstasy, for everyone has his own. That's just a pity that my mother "own" is imposed in this case, the daughter is very active, and sometimes even aggressive.
And since it is up to you to decide, as before, you should try to answer yourself to the question of how objectively you assess the human qualities of your chosen one. And if you are sure that he has no significant negative features and that this man is worthy of your love, if you do not have a suspicion that you might be ill with him for a second, then stand firmly on your own. Do not be afraid of the words of your mother, "Or he, or I!" To answer "He", how tragic the situation would look. Experience shows that if you made a conscious choice, and not as a protest (this should not be done in any case!), Eventually everything will change for the better.
And may your mother be furious when you call her the date of her wedding, and at the ceremony wear a black dress and will defiantly wipe the tears. If your family life is going well, if your mother understands that after a few years you and your husband are still happy and happy with each other, she will be lost, be sure. And we do not advise you to continue confrontation with your mother or conceal her long offense. Do not forget that she sincerely wished you well, and then she also sincerely repented.
With parents it seems that everything is clear. They strive to provide their daughters with a calm, prosperous life, and it is a successful marriage that seems to them a guarantee of happiness. But the girlfriends are not so concerned about the arrangement of your destiny to take an active part in this matter. Then it is unclear why they are sometimes taken to tirelessly criticize your chosen one?
After all, you will agree - it's the easiest for anyone, as a close friend, to understand you, your peer! Instead, she tries, at every opportunity, to piss on your knight - whether about his "kindergarten" hobby, referring to collecting match labels, or in connection with his new tie, which she calls "The cry of a lonely baboon in the night jungle. " Well, if she finds out that he has been reading Anna Karenina for the third month, he will notice aloud that Tolstoy wrote the novel much faster than he reads it.
A drop, as you know, grinds a stone. It is possible that critical remarks will make their "black" business, and in time you will also begin to doubt: "Is my man suitable for me? .." In addition, many women generally like to act with an eye on the opinion of a friend. And if the gentleman does not receive approval, so to speak, from the outside, he is immediately and completely rejected, even if the heart of the woman protests against it.
According to psychologists, this behavior of girlfriends is caused by banal jealousy. Only this does not mean that she, too, is in love with your boyfriend and therefore is jealous of you as a rival (although this also happens). Very often the girlfriends are hurt by the fact that your new acquaintance has completely taken over your free time and that because of this you have moved away from your former friends. Another girlfriend subconsciously fears that your way of thinking, so familiar to her, can change under the influence of your lover, and then you and she may have problems in mutual understanding.
Not every friend is pleased with the sense of self-confidence that you begin to radiate as a woman in love. Perhaps, in your friendship, she used to play the role of patroness and irreplaceable assistant, and at some point she suddenly felt that you no longer needed this. And one of her friends may have enjoyed her high authority in your eyes before, and it is difficult for her to accept that you now treat the newly-born knight with even greater respect.
But do not rush to condemn a critical girlfriend. Try to understand it, and for this put yourself in its place. Many people feel quite natural discomfort, when a long and stable relationship is actively intervened by someone third. After all, jealousy is the main enemy of a serious relationship, and coping with it is not always easy. So if you and your partner are confident in the strength of feelings and serious intentions, try not to pay attention to the girl's sarcastic remarks and do not answer her in the same tone. Especially since now you know that the identity of your loved one has nothing to do with it at all.
By the way, often girlfriends, if they are real, change over time their opinion about your choice for the better. As in the case of moms, this happens when they see that you live happily and are going to live this way for a long time. Well, she did not manage to win you whole - what can you do! We have to put up with this.
LOVE IS BLIND
What if one or two friends or even a single mother criticize your lover, you, I hope, is already clear. But it is possible and the third version of the development of events - when all around, as if by agreement, they speak only of the chosen one as bad. And friends, and colleagues, and relatives - all openly "watered him with mud." Here you just need to listen to public opinion and think hard.
After all, love, as you know, has a habit of being blind. So, other people sometimes see what is hidden from your loving gaze. Therefore, you are required to quickly come to your senses and conduct a thorough and, if possible, objective analysis of the personality of your hero and your relationship as a whole. Remember all the hard-hitting characteristics that the people close to you gave to him, and see how far they are from reality. Be prepared for the fact that you will suddenly discover low truths.
So if you are told that your cavalier is fantastically lazy, intrusive, like an autumn fly, or deprived of any professional ambitions, ask yourself: "Does he really need me, does it suit me - my man does not have enough for serious relations that and that and that ... "In general, try to take off for a while pink glasses. Especially if it somehow hurt you earlier, but you turned a blind eye to it. Do not start the hot game of a dangerous game called "we are against everyone" for the sake of supposedly high feelings. Listen when you are called to think about because of his unstable psyche, that he has changed three jobs for the last six months or that he is a terrible slut and dirty. You are unlikely to be able to remake it. Many women stumbled on this stone in their lifetime. You just hastily hang a heavy load of cares on yourself - that's all.
Think about it, but is it worth it for you to knowingly consign yourself to universal isolation for the sake of this man's love? And anyway, do you have enough strength to destroy the necessary, like air, relationships with relatives and friends and live in a world built on ruins only for the two of you? Will you be happy at such a price, especially if the heat of your senses decreases with time? After all, there were cases when a woman who acted contrary to the reasonable exhortation of relatives, as a result, remained at all alone: the partner did not live up to her hopes, and pride prevented the old ties from reestablishing old ties. Whether this happens to you or not, depends only on you. The main thing, do not forget that responsibility for a fateful decision is equally borne by your heart and your mind.