The world of each person includes people with whom he communicates and who influenced his life in childhood, adolescence, maturity. Growing up, a person increasingly chooses his surroundings and ways of communicating with different people. However, every person is included in the life of every person, whom he sees every day, with whom he communicates every day, but does not consider that communication with them affects his life. It's about neighbors.
Often, remembering their acquaintances, they remember the neighbors in the last place, but these are people who live with us literally "through the wall" and who, whether we like it or not, affect our life, whether we like it or not. Let's find out who the "neighbor" is and decide how to live with him.
"Alien" neighbor
Have you noticed that often when talking about neighbors, many people remember exactly those people who bring problems - make noise, debauch, gossip, make remarks, etc.? Those. the very notion of "neighbor" in everyday life is more negative, it is loaded with simple labels that eventually develop into a stable characteristic of a person. He is "bad", "not his", "someone else's". In fact, this is not accidental.
Many scientists believe that human aggression on a neighbor sits in the deep layers of the subconscious and comes from the Stone Age, when the struggle for existence and the preservation of the family taught people to differentiate everything around into "their own" and "someone else's". This happened when there were wars for resources, territories, offspring; when the appearance on the territory of the community, which could be estimated in thousands of square kilometers, turned out to be a stranger. And precisely because anthropologists, sociologists say, to a modern man, for the lack of wars, it is necessary to implement this aggression outwardly in the form of creating an enemy image. "We" rest at home - "they" sit back, "we" celebrate the birthday - "they" walk from night till morning, "we" make repairs when there is a free minute - "they" knock day and night, "we" always make a comment on the case - "they" stick their nose out of their business.
It is quite natural that when entering a new dwelling, even temporarily, a person first of all studies the degree of danger of the environment and people next to whom he will live. Unconsciously, we cling precisely to the most vivid image and, as it were, make the decision that "he will prevent us from living."
Here is another common case, many who will see themselves in this situation, which is not surprising. So much the better - it will be easier for you to understand the idea that we are trying to convey to all readers. So, returning home after work, tired, dreaming to rest, to throw all thoughts out of an overloaded head, we allow our sensible reasoning to give way to our primitive instincts, so it's normal that at the slightest noise the wrestler and defender wake up in us. My home is my castle. The house is the place where we rest. Only in contrast to the primitive society in the modern world, with our neighbors, we divide not territorial boundaries that are legalized, but socially-psychological - "our" life / "their" life.
"My neighbour
Without developed protective mechanisms, we feel vulnerable to all sorts of influences and within ourselves, as it were, recognize, agree that there is someone who "can prevent us from resting", "may prevent us from living," we kind of allow ourselves to be something oppressed. And the more "we" defend, we fight, the more "they" annoy, "do not think" about "us".
Yes, "they" do not let you into their life, so why do you allow "them" in your thoughts, in your life, allowing you to destroy your peace? Remember the student hostels, which are silent only at 3-4 o'clock in the morning. Disco clubs, neighbors' siblings, friends and girlfriends of neighbors, newborn children, searching for unfinished lectures and consultations, talking about "nothing to do" and despite such conditions, many fell asleep, and studied perfectly, and openly communicated with other people. And the children who have grown up in a hostel who can sleep under any light and noise conditions? How do they do it? The fact is that, being settled in a hostel, a person knows what is waiting for him and accepts this reality as it is, accepts the people who live there, the way they are. In the end, after all, the most important thing is what kind of communication you choose with people.
It is important to understand that there is something in common between you, what unites you, and there are rules, vowels and secret, about the existence of which everyone at least knows. Transfer this into your life. What do you have in common with your neighbors? Common area, common entrance, common house, common yard. This is what makes the neighbors "ours" in relation to people from other sites, houses, entrances. And everyone living next to you has a biography associated with this apartment, house, street. The house and the street where you live. Those. and you are "their" own biography. Nobody will not break out of the habitable place and run, changing their lives at the root, just because "someone is hindering us"? And where to run? To the same "other", "strange" people? Therefore, to start, to make life easier, you just need to accept that you and your neighbors are one community. Despite the opinions of many scientists about the inherent aggression, history shows that none of the rock drawings depicted anything that would indicate the past conflicts between people. For those times there were ideas of the community of the earth and all natural resources. Having accepted your community, you have already done half the battle. Now, already inside this common space, you can set rules.
Rules of COMMON LIFE
Peaceful residence with neighbors
Internal rules, which people themselves support in daily communication with each other - etiquette. These are the rules that most know and observe - not to create strong noises not only after 23.00, but also during the day, warn neighbors if repair is planned or many guests arrive at the celebration of the date and when this is about to end. Also, do not bother with neighbors with frequent requests to use the phone, borrow salt, do not show excessive interest in private life, and if you have to handle a request, then as little as possible go into the apartment and take it for granted if it is denied. In addition, it is important to know how to clean the stairwell and replace the burned bulbs.
Great importance in living together with neighbors is played by your tactful awareness of their way of life, their family. It is important to know this as respect for someone else's life and as an association for solving joint problems. Starting from the problems of improving your home and yard and to the cases when you or your neighbors will someday have to turn to each other for personal help. After all, there are cases when one of the relatives falls ill, and in the entrance there lives a doctor who can help in the very first minutes. Or you may need urgent help if, for example, the pipe breaks. It is easier and more trustworthy to apply to familiar people than to strangers.
But it is very important when meeting to observe a maximum of tact and courtesy. If you decide to get acquainted first, as an option, you can invite your neighbor (neighbors) to visit you for tea with sweet. You can on the contrary come with a treat to the neighbors, transfer it, but do not enter the apartment, if you are not invited. Do not ask people about their personal lives, about the upbringing of children and about other relatives who are absent. Do not give any advice. And do not make friends. Remember that this is a visit of courtesy and acquaintance. Indicate what you are and tell in what cases you can count on if there is a need for help.
Frequent cases when people become familiar, if they have common interests, are frequent. For example, the neighboring mothers who walk with the kids in one sandbox or their husbands are motorists. In this case, acquaintance occurs, on the one hand, faster, but on the other hand more difficult. Because because of the community of interests there can be an illusion of a complete separation of interests and all life, an illusion may arise that your neighbor is already your friend. Hence the wrong behavior, unacceptable familiarity, unrestrained interest to learn more about the personal life of another person, the desire to advise something, to tell your biography, etc. Do not be surprised and offended, if in this case you will meet resistance to your good intentions. Your status is a neighbor, not a friend, not a relative. And your task in the role of a neighbor is to make it so that you and yourself are comfortable to live with. It happens that neighborly relations develop into friendly relations, but this happens rarely and requires tact.
How to resolve conflicts with neighbors
External rules are regulated by law, but, unfortunately, are often violated. And if you find it difficult to abstract from loud music outside the walls, trampling and screaming, if in this situation you find it difficult to focus on your life, then try to act through the conflict, through his permission. In this case there are two ways: legal and household. First, we decide which of them to use. To do this, determine who is in front of you, what he thinks, what his intellectual level is, with whom he is friends, who is his authority, what is important to him, and so on. If you do not know anything like this and do not even want to know, then we recommend, at least, to exclude at the first stage of negotiations any requirements and talk exclusively politely and benevolently. And of course, do not threaten, do not even hint, so as not to cause additional aggression. Maybe your neighbors just grew a child, and the parents for some time left. In this case, it is better to talk with parents, having warned about this teenager. And wait. As a rule, this eventually passes, children grow up. And the neighbors remain.
There is an option when the apartment is rented and no one is responsible for what happens there, does not carry. The fact is that the apartment owner, after signing the contract, does not own this apartment until the contract expires. Tenants with him may not even talk if he does not like them. As well as the society of homeowners has no leverage on this situation. To the same variant of difficult neighbors it is possible to add people with alcoholism who do not even understand what you are asking for, and even more often - they simply do not remember that you came to them. In such situations, there are cases when a single call to the police helped with a report about "suspicious persons" who are entering that apartment or people whom the police seem to be looking for. You do not know who lives there and what's going on!
When neighbors making noise are unknown or peace talks do not work, you can take advantage of the legal option - to call the police. But we must be ready for the fact that it takes a lot of effort, nerves and results can be expected for a very long time. Calling is better 02. Your call will be taken into account in the journal and your application will be forwarded to the local police station, after which the control will be carried out - what was done on this complaint. You can also apply to the police in writing, it is better collective (after all, this behavior of neighbors hinders not only you). The application in the office should be registered with you or sent by registered mail, having warned about it. The answer must be given within a month after the registration of your application. And if you have decided to go this way, you should finish the deal until the noise stops at all, because if you turn, in the future your actions will not be taken seriously by noisy neighbors or the police who get off formal visit.
Most importantly, with whom you live and whatever relationship you build, remember that after a while all this will also become a part of history, your common neighborhood biography. And if the circumstances of life divorce you, as practice shows, it is about neighbors that you will always remember with warm nostalgia.
Based on mirsovetov.ru