A mark is a necessary thing. For evaluation students, it is a kind of benchmark for self-assessment and feedback to the teacher. For teachers - the ability to systematize the idea of each student, monitor the dynamics of development and learning. That's just not worth on the scale of assessments to determine who the fool, and who is smart, who is good, and who is bad, to bear on life and measure it human relations.
How to react to the marks?
Try from the very beginning not to approach the assessments of your student is too critical. Even if the points leave much to be desired, do not dramatize the situation: "This is the first assessment, how disappointed you were with us." And we wanted to surprise you ... What will happen next? " After such a reaction, a child hardly wants to do anything at all, even for grades, even without them. Take yourself in hand and just say something farewell and encouraging. The laws of pedagogy, psychology and the experience of a huge number of people convince: there is no connection between the first marks (and sometimes the assessments in general) and the subsequent educational, and most importantly, life successes of man. But the relationship between the behavior of parents, their relationship to the scores assessed or somehow otherwise the success of the child is obvious. It depends on you how the child will perceive all that is happening first in school (including evaluation) and how then it will affect his later life. In any case, the older the child, the less control you need. Exception - the first love or the appearance of a hobby in a teenager, who in a state of enthusiasm can easily abandon his studies. Therefore, it is better to check the assessments from time to time than to blame the teenager for being irresponsible. But education in the university - a time when your control and interest in the estimates should be reduced to a minimum. Adulthood assumes independence in everything. For example, to make mistakes and fix them yourself.
For us, parents, mark the child's signal and guide to action. Which one? Depends on the evaluation.
If the child brings bad grades
We analyze
Evaluation is an emotional phenomenon. But all the same, teach the child already from the junior school to treat her simply as an indicator and conduct self-analysis:
- Why such an assessment?
- What is your mistake? Is it accidental or is there a gap in knowledge?
- Can you fix the mark? What do I need to do?
Give your own example
Tell the child how you, as a pupil, forgot to have a diary at home (well, it was!) Or how the assignment was mixed up with excitement. It is possible to cite as an example of famous people who used to have everything during their studies. Such information is preventive emotional vaccination. It gives confidence and inspires optimism: all people can have mistakes - it's not scary, they can be corrected.
Nothing wrong
What if the bad score is undeserved? There are situations when the case requires an explanation with the teacher. But in most cases, you just have to accept this as a reality, a test. "Yes, it happens, it's nothing to worry about," - that's all there is to say. The child has a long time to study, and then work in a variety of groups. The probability that he will always see only justice is zero. Why spoil the nerves for every trifle?
Do not focus on academic achievement
You should talk with the child about the school. But not only about the assessments. "How did you answer the lesson? Did you decide everything correctly?" - such questions should be at least no more than, for example, about relations with classmates, games on change and buns in the buffet. Then the child will form a general positive attitude toward the school. And the assessment at the same time will be better.
If the child is a good student
Do not overestimate the estimates
They go to school for their knowledge. Estimations, although they are their reflection, can not be a value in themselves. Bring this message to the child. Otherwise, he may develop an evaluation neurosis - when not only the mood, but also the well-being of the honors pupil is spoiled by a random four: the child begins to literally beg for high scores and behaves inadequately (crying, running away, closing) if gets low. To a greater extent, girls are inclined to this disorder, but too many emotional perfectionists are found among boys.
Find, why scold
Too frequent praise quickly ceases to be an incentive for growth. The well-known psychologist Alfred Adler called the starting point of the desire for learning to be an inferiority, but certainly not excessive. Only correct remarks are admissible ("You do not write very carefully, you still have to try, you will definitely get it!") Or inappropriate correct comparisons with other children ("Misha has a talent for learning poetry, he probably loves to read you more"). The main thing is not to go to extremes when discussing with children their academic performance.